"I want to be grumpy." My toddler said to me.

“I want to be grumpy.” My toddler said to me, “I want to be grumpy.” and went to sit on her bed, head down.

Here’s how we got there. 

Tonight, we had a couple moments where my husband and I had both told her no or asked her to stop and she continued to do what we asked her not to. Out of pure frustration I yelled–STOP MEANS STOP and sent her to her room. 

She is struggling big time with responding in obedience when we say no or stop. It has actually been quite the battle. Sometimes it is because she knows that she gets increased attention in disobedience and other times it is just sheer will. 

After a couple deep breaths, by me, and maybe her too, I walked down the hallway and into her room. She was fidgeting with her toys and I said, “Come here. I want to talk to you.” She stood up, but moved farther away from me. “Come here, stand in front of me. I want to talk to you.” She complied and stood in front of me. “Let me see your eyes.” I said. She looked up and I started to correct her behavior: “When Daddy and I say…”

“I want to be grumpy.” she says and goes to sit on her bed. 

I rolled my eyes and thought–why is this child so dramatic but said, “Okay, you be grumpy and let me know when you’re ready to talk.” We both continued to sit there–her being grumpy and me being annoyed. 

As I was sitting there waiting, I realized, wait a hot second, she isn’t really grumpy, she is choosing to be grumpy to avoid talking to me about her disobedience. As she was sitting there grumpy, she was also sitting there in pure avoidance. She was avoiding talking to me because she didn’t want her behavior to be corrected, she didn’t want to be held accountable. 

I thought, what a little turd.

Then it happened. The Lord laughed and I felt convicted. Like really convicted. I thought, “Wow. How often do I do the same thing to God?” How often do I choose to be grumpy to avoid his correction, or to simply sulk in the fact that something did not go my way?

Often, friends, OFTEN. 

Why? Why do I avoid hard or corrective chats with God? Because I don’t want to change what he’s correcting in me, that’s why. In those moments, my flesh sounds pretty good. I don’t want to say no to new clothes because it’s not in the budget or invite that really frustrating person out for coffee, just like my toddler didn’t want to stop playing in the flour or messing with my husband's computer. I don’t want to hear “stop means stop” or “no” just like my toddler. I think my way is just fine or sometimes I just want to–just like my toddler. I think I can avoid the consequences, just like my toddler.

For the love, I am a toddler.

Isn’t it funny? Like I am the mom in this situation and yet I am also the child being convicted by the Father by my toddler? The Lord is funny and perfect in his parenting. Can I get an amen? 

But in all seriousness, God is the perfect Father. He parents us perfectly. I do not parent perfectly, not even close. Even in my outright disobedience and avoidance, he still parents me perfectly.

I avoid, he sits patiently.

I manipulate, he thinks, “my dear child”.

I choose disobedience, he reminds us that obedience is still an option. 

I expect obedience out of my toddler. God expects obedience out of me. I want her to understand that on the other side of “no” or “stop” is something better. He wants me to understand the same.

Her and I can both choose to be grumpy to avoid correction but all that does is delay an opportunity for sanctification, extend disobedience and rob us of  a chance to experience his loving-kindness–for me, that’s through the Holy Spirit–for her, that’s through me trying to be a little more like Jesus every single day, so that we can humbly + joyfully choose obedience.

Lord–create in me and Fern a new heart that does not avoid your correction, but instead welcomes it with an open mind and heart. Increase our desire to be more like Jesus everyday. Amen.